After a Set-Up Date: How to Reply
4 min read · 中文版
After a set-up date there are usually two replies to handle: one to the person you met, and one to the friend or relative who introduced you. Whether or not you want to continue, being timely, sincere and gracious is the best approach.
Want to continue? Say so promptly
Send a message that day or the next: "I really enjoyed talking with you today, thank you. If you're around next week, I'd love to have dinner again." Prompt and specific is easy to answer.
For the second meeting, choose something relaxed with time to talk; see our second-date ideas.
Not interested? Say so kindly
Don't leave them and the matchmaker guessing by not replying. Try: "Thank you for your time today, I enjoyed our chat, but I don't think we're quite right for each other. All the best."
You don't need to give many reasons, and never comment on their circumstances.
Replying to the matchmaker
Thank them for the introduction first, then share your view briefly: "Thank you so much for introducing us; they're lovely, and we'd like to get to know each other more", or "They're great, but we didn't feel it was a match."
There's no need to recount the details or judge the other person to the matchmaker; let everyone keep face.
If they go quiet
If they haven't replied, wait a day or two and ask once more, lightly. If there's still nothing, take that as the answer; there's no need to chase through the matchmaker.
Set-ups are one way to meet people, and one that doesn't work out is normal. Our guide to what to talk about on a set-up date has more.
Frequently asked questions
Who should get in touch first after a set-up date?
Either of you. A thank-you message is polite and shows where you stand.
How soon should I get in touch?
That evening or the next day is natural. Leave it too long and they may assume you're not interested.
They're nice, but I felt no spark. Should I meet again?
If the first meeting was just a bit stiff, another try can help. If you're sure it isn't right, saying so promptly is kinder to both of you.
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