What to Talk About on a First Blind Date
5 min read · 中文版
A set-up date (xiangqin) isn't quite like an ordinary date: both of you know it's meant to be serious, and sometimes there are expectations from whoever introduced you, or from parents. Because the purpose is so clear, the first meeting can feel tense and slide into an interrogation. Here's a list of topics to keep it natural while still learning what you really want to know.
Opening: start with easy common ground
Start with effortless topics: how you got there, whether traffic was bad, whether you've been to this place before. If a friend or relative introduced you, the introducer is a great topic in itself.
Then move on to life in Canada: how long you've been here, what you like about the city, what you usually do at weekends. These are easy and show you what their life is like.
Working toward what really matters
When you talk about work, "Do you enjoy your job?" is far better than "How much do you earn?": the first shows personality and ambition, the second easily puts people off.
Family and the future are fine to discuss, but ask openly, for example "Do you keep in close touch with your family?" or "What do you picture your life being like in a few years?" If they want to say more, listen more.
You can also talk about what you each hope for: why you came to the set-up, what kind of person you're looking for. Since this is meant to be serious, saying so openly is actually a relief.
Best avoided on a first meeting
Don't open with income, property, savings, immigration status or family background, like filling in a form. These can come naturally once you know each other better.
Don't talk at length about exes or complain about your last set-up date, and don't comment on their looks, education or job on the spot.
Don't push them to say what they think of you. The only goal of a first meeting is to see whether you get along.
Ending well, and afterwards
If it went well, just say "I really enjoyed talking today; next time we could go to..." If it wasn't a fit, end politely and send a short note afterwards; don't disappear.
If an elder introduced you, talk to the other person first before telling the introducer, so messages don't get passed around and misunderstood.
Frequently asked questions
How long should a first set-up date last?
One to two hours is about right: the length of a coffee or a light meal. If it goes well, plan another; there's no need to cover every topic at once.
What if the conversation goes quiet?
Hand the question back ("And you?", "What happened then?"), or talk about what's around you, like this café or the city. Preparing two or three open questions also helps a lot.
Can I ask about their income?
Not directly on a first meeting. Start with what they do and their career plans; once you know each other better, talking about money habits and future plans comes naturally.
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