After a First Date: When and How to Follow Up
5 min read · 中文版
The first date is over, you're home, and the debate begins: should I message first? Will it look too keen? Following up after a date has fewer rules than people think. Be sincere, be timely and say what you actually feel.
That evening: a short thank-you
A short message once you're home is perfect: "I had a really nice time today. Thanks for coming. Did you get home OK?" It says thank you and checks they got back safely.
There's no need to wait for them to go first, or to follow a "wait three days" rule. Either of you can message; what matters is a natural tone.
Want to meet again? Ask for the second date
If you'd like to see them again, say so, and be specific: "Would you like to check out X next weekend?" lands better than "Let's do it again sometime."
A second date can be something with more time to talk and do things together; our second-date guide has ideas.
Not interested? Say so kindly
If it isn't a match, saying so politely is more respectful than going quiet: "Thank you for today, I enjoyed talking with you, but I don't think we're quite right for each other. I wish you all the best."
You don't need to give lots of reasons or invent an excuse. Our guide to ending things kindly has more wording.
If they don't reply
If you've messaged and heard nothing, give it a day or two; they may just be busy. After that, send at most one more light message.
If there's still no reply, take that as the answer and let it go politely. Don't keep asking; save your time for people who want to talk with you.
Frequently asked questions
Who should message first after a date?
Either of you. Messaging first isn't "losing"; it's just saying how you feel. A sincere, natural line is usually welcome.
How soon should I get in touch after a date?
That evening or the next day both feel natural. If you'd like a second date, suggest it within a few days rather than letting it drift.
They reply, but never mention meeting again. What now?
Suggest a specific plan yourself. If they don't take it up after a couple of tries, they may be gently saying they don't want to continue.
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