Spending a Holiday with Your Partner's Family
4 min read · 中文版
Thanksgiving, Christmas and Chinese New Year are often the first time you spend real time with your partner's family: a meal, an afternoon, or even a few days. It's exciting and nerve-racking. A little preparation makes it much easier.
Ask before you go
Ask your partner who will be there, how long you'll stay, and what the family's habits are, like taking shoes off, table manners and food restrictions.
If you're staying over, ask about sleeping arrangements and how you can help.
Bring a suitable gift
Something thoughtful rather than expensive is perfect, like fruit, pastries, tea, or something their parents enjoy. Ask your partner what the family likes.
A small gift is usually welcome at a Chinese family's celebration; for a Western Thanksgiving, ask whether to bring a dish.
On the day
Offer to help set the table and clear up, compliment the food sincerely, and listen to the elders. You don't need to perform; politeness and sincerity are enough.
If someone asks something you'd rather not answer, like your income or when you'll marry, smile and move on, or let your partner step in.
Afterwards
Thank the elders as you leave, and ask your partner to pass on your thanks or send a thank-you message.
Talk with your partner about how it went. If something was uncomfortable, agree together how to handle it next time. Our guide to meeting the parents has more.
Frequently asked questions
How long should we date before spending a holiday with their family?
There's no fixed time; when things are steady and you both want to. A simple meal is a good start.
Their family only speaks English or a dialect I don't know. What do I do?
Simple greetings and a smile go a long way, and your partner can translate. A sincere attitude matters more than language.
Both our families want us for the holidays. How do we choose?
Take turns, or spend one holiday with each family. Agree with your partner first, then talk to your families.
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