When Your Partner's Parents Disapprove
5 min read · 中文版
In Chinese families, parents' opinions often carry a lot of weight. If their parents seemed cold when you met, or you hear they disapprove, it's hard not to feel hurt and anxious. It's more common than you might think, and handled well, things can improve over time.
Find out why first
Parents object for many reasons: distance, job stability, age, family background, or simply not knowing you yet.
Ask your partner to find out what really worries them. Some concerns can be eased with time and actions.
Stand on the same side as your partner
What matters most is how the two of you feel. Talk honestly about what the relationship means to you and how you'll face this together.
Your partner should lead the conversations with their parents. You don't need to win over their family alone.
Build trust with time and actions
Stay polite and respectful, send greetings at festivals, and be yourself when you meet. There's no need to try too hard to please.
Showing that your relationship is serious and your life has direction often works better than any single conversation.
Look after yourself
Not being accepted hurts. Talk to friends rather than keeping all the pressure inside.
If your partner never faces the issue, or you're repeatedly blamed or humiliated, think seriously about the relationship's future.
Frequently asked questions
Can we stay together if their parents object?
Many parents change their minds over time. What matters is whether you two are committed and willing to keep talking patiently.
Should I go and talk to their parents myself?
It's usually best not to go alone while things are tense. Let your partner talk to them first, then meet together once things calm down.
What should I keep in mind when meeting their parents?
Be polite and sincere, and bring a small gift. Our guide to meeting the parents has more.
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