How to Set Your Partner Criteria
5 min read · 中文版
"What kind of person are you looking for?" Many people can't answer, or answer with a long list of conditions. Good partner criteria are neither a strict checklist nor "just a feeling"; they're a clear sense of what truly matters to you.
Separate traits from values
Height, education, income and city are traits; attitudes to family, how someone handles conflict and the life they want are values. Traits are easy to see, but values decide whether a relationship lasts.
When setting criteria, put more weight on values.
List must-haves and flexibles
Keep must-haves few and clear, like wanting children, being willing to live in Canada, honesty. Put everything else under flexible.
The longer the list, the easier it is to miss the right person; the clearer it is, the easier they are to recognise.
Learn from your past
Look back at past relationships or dates: what made you happy, what hurt, which problems kept coming back? Those answers tell you more about your needs than anyone's advice.
Ask friends who know you well what kind of person you seem most at ease with, too.
Stay open
Criteria help you judge; they're not there to rule everyone out. If someone doesn't tick every box but feels easy to be with, give it a little more time.
On a dating site, filters like relationship goal, hometown and language help you find a better fit, while leaving room for surprises.
Frequently asked questions
Are my standards too high?
Look at how many of your must-haves are traits and how many are values. If most are external traits, try moving some to flexible.
My parents' criteria differ from mine. What do I do?
Listen to what your parents care about; some concerns may be worth weighing. But you're the one who'll share the life, so talk it through honestly.
I don't know what I want. Where do I start?
Meet more people and notice how you feel with each of them. Every date makes your needs a little clearer.
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