Is This Someone to Marry? What to Look For
6 min read · 中文版
Liking someone and being right to marry them aren't the same thing. After a while together, many people wonder: is this someone I could build a life with? There's no formula, but a few things are worth seeing clearly before you decide.
Do your values line up?
Once married, you make decisions together every day: how to spend money, whether to have children, how to handle your parents, where to live. You don't need identical views, but you need to be able to agree.
Bring these topics up naturally as you date. Notice what they think, and whether they really listen to what you think.
How do they handle disagreements?
Every couple disagrees. What matters is what they do in an argument: talk it through and stick to the issue, or go silent, drag up the past and say hurtful things?
Two people who can solve problems together are better suited to marriage than two who never argue. Our guide to healthy communication has more.
Responsibility and consistency
Watch whether their actions match their words: they keep promises and are responsible at work, with family and with friends. How someone treats others is often how they'll treat you.
See how they are under pressure, too: busy, ill or facing a setback, do they still respect you and face things with you?
Do they plan a future with you?
Someone ready to marry talks about the future with you: the life they want in a few years, where to settle, how to save together. If they always avoid these topics, think about why.
Before deciding, our guide on what to discuss before moving in covers the important questions.
Frequently asked questions
How long should we date before marrying?
There's no set time. More important than the length is whether you've been through different situations: travelling together, handling difficulties, meeting each other's family and friends.
What must we discuss before marriage?
Money and spending habits, whether to have children and how to raise them, relationships with both sets of parents, sharing housework, where to live and each other's career plans.
What if my parents don't approve?
Listen to their concerns first; some may deserve weight. Then give them a chance to get to know your partner. The decision is yours, but talking it through prevents many misunderstandings.
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