How to Make Up After an Argument
5 min read · 中文版
Even the happiest couples argue. Arguing isn't the problem; the problem is when nobody speaks afterwards, the silence stretches on and the issue never gets solved. Here's how to make up after a fight, and make the next one less hurtful.
Let emotions cool first
Words said in the heat of the moment hurt most. If you feel close to losing it, say: "I'm getting worked up. Let's both cool down and talk this evening, OK?"
Cooling down isn't the silent treatment: say when you'll talk again, so they know you're not avoiding it.
Speaking first isn't losing
Reaching out first doesn't mean admitting defeat; it shows you care more about the relationship. "Can we talk?" is a great start.
Make your apology specific: "I'm sorry about my tone earlier" is more sincere than "Fine, fine, it's my fault."
Talk the issue through
Making up isn't just not being angry any more; it's talking about what caused the argument: how each of you felt and what you really care about.
Start with "I" to describe feelings, listen fully, then look for a solution together. Our guide to healthy communication has more.
Avoid the same fight next time
If you keep arguing about the same thing, agree on something concrete, like how to split chores or how often you each see friends.
Set some ground rules for arguments too: no dragging up the past, no personal attacks, no fighting in front of friends, no threatening to break up.
Frequently asked questions
We've been giving each other the silent treatment for days. How do I break it?
Send a short message: "I've been thinking, and I don't want us to stay like this. Can we talk?" The point is to show you want to solve it.
I'm always the one who gives in first. What do I do?
After making up, tell them honestly how that feels, and that you'd like both of you to reach out. If they never want to talk things through, take a serious look at the relationship.
They said something really hurtful in a fight. Should I forgive them?
Tell them how it made you feel and see whether they apologise sincerely and want to change. If hurtful words keep happening, or there are threats or control, take those warning signs seriously.
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