Can You Be Friends with an Ex?
4 min read · 中文版
After a breakup, some people say "Let's stay friends"; others never speak again. Whether you can be friends with an ex has no universal answer. It depends on why you split up, how you feel now, and who the friendship actually helps.
First, ask why you want to be friends
Do you genuinely value them as a friend, or are you holding on and hoping to get back together? Or just afraid of losing someone familiar?
If part of you is still hoping, friendship usually makes it harder to move on.
When friendship can work
You've both moved on, the breakup was peaceful without much hurt, and you share a friend group or were friends before you dated.
Even then, a period without contact first can help, until feelings have truly settled.
When distance is better
One of you still has feelings or wants to get back together, or the relationship involved deceit, control or hurt. Keeping your distance is looking after yourself.
Deleting or blocking their contact isn't petty; it gives you room to move forward.
Once you're in a new relationship
Be open with your new partner about your relationship with your ex; don't hide it. Respect their feelings, and avoid late-night chats or meeting your ex alone.
If it makes your partner uneasy, agree on boundaries you can both live with; see our guide on jealousy in relationships.
Frequently asked questions
How soon after a breakup can we be friends?
There's no set time. When thinking of them feels calm and you no longer hope to get back together, it's a better time to reconnect.
My new partner minds that I talk to my ex. What now?
Understand their feelings, explain your relationship honestly, and agree on boundaries together. If contact with your ex keeps them uneasy for a long time, it's worth seriously considering less contact.
Should I delete my ex's contact details?
It depends where you are. If their messages hurt, deleting or blocking them is a good way to look after yourself.
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